There’s a small feeling that can’t seem to be shaken sometimes. Other people feel it, too. It comes to me after I’ve had a bad night, or maybe someone has said something to me that came onto me the wrong way. It plants its roots deep into the crevices of your vulnerable thinking space, and infects everything that enters its path. It won’t stop pestering you. It tells you how low you are. How you are not worthy of any sort of happiness. How you have nobody to go to. At first you tell that voice, “Screw you. I have friends, I’m happy!”…
But is it true?
At some point or another you start to believe it. You push your friends and family away, hoping abandonment doesn’t fall upon you. But you realize you are the one who’s abandoning. You fall into a deep dark spiral, maybe pick up a few unhealthy coping mechanisms along the way. Drinking heavily and worrying those around you. Shutting yourself off for days at a time. Are you happy with yourself? Never. But you keep leading a depressing lifestyle that lands you unemployed. You are jobless. You are in debt. You are alone.
So what is there left to do in this dark void you’ve sank into?
Nothing. You couldn’t shake the feeling.